Questions~No Answers

When I wake up in the morning I instantly go to the mirror to see how bad the damage is, I cant help but wonder, how can God think that this is beautiful. How can he actually think that I can make a difference in the world, I can barely keep up my 4.0 GPA. So how am I supposed to change the world surrounding me? I ask myself these questions everyday and I still have no answer. My one dream is to know what to do with my life, everyone around me at church and at home tell me to pray about it and listen to what he tells me? But I don't know about you, but I don't just look at the sky and start hearing strange voices. When I go to church the teacher says, pray and listen. I have hit teenage years and I still can't comprehend anything. I am really questioning weather God is there our not, and if he is, then why is he forgetting me? Why is he forgetting to talk to me and forgetting to have a relationship with me. I still don't get it and I have been wrestling with these questions alot. I bet that I will hit 30 and still not understand it. I need help but have no one to go to. No one that I have gone to so far has given me a straight answer on what to do and how to feel. Everything is so confusing and I think that at this point I am just going to church cause my parents are telling me to. I have been crying for the past nights because I believe that I am losing my faith. I don't want to lose my faith, but I have no way of stopping this! Everything around me is distracting me and I cant get out of the hole that I have been digging for myself. I have opened the can of worms and now can't get them back in. Things are falling apart before my eyes, and I hate it.

Uglyness~Different Forms

Throughout all the years that I have been living on this planet I have seen ugliness in many different forms! For me~ this weeks form of ugliness is in the form of a large red bump on my face. Every time I look in the mirror I think "Dear God What is that Thing." Everywhere I turn I seem to get a glimpse of what I look like and I can't get out of my head how ugly I look.Being ugly on a weekend is not big deal but tomorrow I have to face the torture of school.When I am at home and church I could care less what I look like, but when I go to school tomorrow, that is all that I am going to worry about! Everyone at school will look at my face and then I will be able to feels their eyes burning on the ginormous pimp that has happily made a home on my forehead. Ugliness has also come my way in a different form. It has come in the way a person treated me. Today me and my ultimate best friend, Anthony, where supposed to go to the mall and hang out. Instead of hanging at the mall, Anthony, decided to go to the fair instead and not tell me until the last minute. Now I don't know about you but I really do not like being treated like I don't exist. So beware for everyone who is reading this!!! Ugliness comes in many different forms but finding them is the easy part, dealing with them is harder, trust me I should know.